Show Up Uncut
Welcome to "Show Up Uncut," a podcast where two fierce ladies bring you unfiltered conversations on business, health, fitness, and mindset.
Join us for an unapologetic exploration of the highs, lows, and everything in between as we share raw, real-life stories from the trenches of SHOWING UP. From crushing goals in business to smashing personal best at the gym, we're here to inspire and empower you to show up fully in every aspect of your life. Get ready for straight talk, bold insights, and unwavering authenticity as we dive deep into what it takes to succeed in business and beyond. Tune in and get ready to elevate your game with "Show Up Uncut"!
Show Up Uncut
Setting Boundaries is a Game Changer!
Setting boundaries can be a game-changer for mental health, but what does that actually look like day-to-day? Emma kicks off with a proud moment from her coaching experience, while Jess shares the ups and downs of her week, setting the stage for a conversation about the dire importance of knowing when to say no. Saying yes all the time can lead to feeling overwhelmed and burnt out, so we explore how establishing boundaries can protect your mental well-being, even if it means ruffling some feathers along the way. Real-life experiences highlight the struggle of juggling personal obligations while trying to keep a firm grip on one's mental health.
Friendships flourish when nurtured with self-improvement and authenticity. We dive into personal stories of overcoming self-sabotage, like stepping away from habits that no longer serve us, and how those changes impact the social scene. By setting clear personal boundaries, one can enjoy the company of true friends who respect and support these life shifts. This episode underscores the value of self-awareness, the necessity of recognizing genuine relationships, and how these elements contribute to a fulfilling life journey.
The hurdles of blending work and personal life, especially from the comfort of your home, are real. We chat about strategies for maintaining those all-important boundaries, sharing tips and anecdotes on keeping distractions at bay. From managing work interruptions to the art of saying no to well-meaning friends, we tackle the challenges of self-sabotage head-on. Our conversation touches on the power of authentic friendships and the joy that comes with small, meaningful gestures. Listener feedback and our future plans round out the episode, keeping the door open for your suggestions on topics you want us to cover next.
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Welcome back to Show Up Uncut with.
Speaker 2:Emma and Jess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's been going on? Yeah, yeah, the yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Not a lot. Actually, I had two girls compete this weekend and I had my first overall winner. Yeah, I saw I'm so proud how exciting she's going to Canberra in three weeks now to the like they're doing this Natural Worlds games where they've got like fuck, they've got all these different sports, which is really cool, and she's gone for a pro card. So she's like my first little pro card winner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. Like a proud mama.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was really really good. It was a big show though, but yeah, other than that, just belly's growing. As you said before, my boobs are growing.
Speaker 1:I feel like we've both had a lot going on. Yeah, I just spit at them.
Speaker 2:She's like holy fuck, your boobs are big.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, they are. Yeah, I know I feel like we've both had a lot going on, hey.
Speaker 2:How have you been?
Speaker 1:Up and down down. You know it's been very stressful. Last week was a bit of a roller coaster. It was literally like highs and lows, and highs and lows, and highs and lows, but that's okay what um?
Speaker 2:what was your key takeaway from last week, with all the highs and lows?
Speaker 1:um that. We need to set boundaries I love that so let's talk about that today, guys.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about boundaries so this is like really like unscripted and we came in here and we had what we thought we were going to talk about literally just completely flipped, which is so, so fine. I can't get comfortable in this, but, um, yeah, so we are talking about boundaries, because I think that's something that we all need like, even in relationships, in workplaces, with everything that we do Like. If you don't have like solid boundaries, you're probably going to find that it's very hard to feel respected in so many ways.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think last week made me really realise like fuck, like you know like it affects your mental health, right. Because, you if you don't have boundaries with people. You're either doing all these things for others and like not that you want to do things for people to get something in return. Like it's not about that, but it's like when you're constantly going out of your way to do things for people and it's just being taken for granted and then there's no one that's there for you. Like stop fucking saying yes to everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like that's the thing like and if you don't want to do it, don't fucking do it yeah, so learning to say no and learning to like and let people like that letting people down is okay, yeah, yeah, which can be hard like you know, when you are like an empath or you are a very generous person, it can be hard to sort of. You know, it's just about putting yourself first. At the end of the day, yeah, like you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like you need to put yourself first, so because you can't pull from an empty cup, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, and especially I was saying to em before like my partner he is logan he always like, not so much. Now I feel like he used to be really bad at saying yes to so many things or saying like yeah, I'll help you, help you yeah. I'll do that. And then it comes to the day and they'll be trying to ring him or they'll message him, and he just won't answer. He's unreliable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, really unreliable.
Speaker 2:And I used to always say to him like you can't like make sure that you know if you say yes to something you've got to follow through with it, because it's like I feel like that's the worst thing for a person to be like.
Speaker 1:Well, it's like having an expectation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, expectations of somebody, I'm not someone who's ever going to say I'll help you with something, like, if you're moving, I'm not going to be like, yeah, I'll help you move. And then, when it comes, my phone's ringing and I'm like, fuck that, I don't want to do that like, and then this poor person's relying on me, like no, no, but yeah, it's different, I think too, when, like, you're like, say, for example, if there's an event that's going on like your friend's birthday, right, you don't want to fucking go, but yet you just go anyway to, like, you know, make them and deep down, like your gut.
Speaker 2:You're like it's like just dreading the whole thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's also like my mental health isn't great at the moment, like blah, blah, blah. It's that sort of stuff like I think when your mental health like health isn't great, like obviously there's things that like I'll force myself to go to because I have to show up for that person, I'm like I need to go, but like, um, you just I'm sorry now that you checked your watch. I'm like bitch no, sorry on dnd for a second that's a smart idea um, yeah, where were we?
Speaker 1:I forget. Um, yeah, no, like showing up, like for things. So like I think like it's important to put yourself, yeah, with the boundaries thing that we're talking about today, uh, it's important to put yourself first and not worry about those other people. That's where I'm getting at, because like obviously I'll push myself to go to a friend's birthday if I don't want to fucking go. It's there's a difference, whereas if my mental health isn't great and like I'm struggling and I know that if I go I'm not going to be, like if I go and I drink or whatever, like it's just going to affect me in a negative way. So it's sort of like you know, setting those boundaries, and I think it's like saying no with confidence as well.
Speaker 2:It's like in that moment, like with what Logan used to do is like he'd just say it to impress people but, then he becomes unreliable and people get shitty, Whereas like if you can say no with confidence and know that like you've got a massive work week or your mental health's not great, or yeah, you just don't feel like going, like I know for me when I'm being pregnant or when I'm in prep, like the last thing I want to do. I get so tired, like especially being I mean both circumstances 30th.
Speaker 2:Huh, I actually had a nap.
Speaker 1:I'm really tired. I've just woken up from a nap. I was like, look, I'll give you, I'll give you a free pass.
Speaker 2:I was fuming, no, you know when you wake up and you're so groggy and I was like bro, there's no way, I am not a, I see, I am only since you went pregnant you know, even in preps, like I fuck, that I will always wake up bad.
Speaker 1:People say that you only want to sleep between 20 and 45 minutes because so you don't wake up groggy.
Speaker 2:But like it doesn't work for me, no no, and I try and sleep, like my naps are like an hour. If, if I lay down for like 20 minutes, it's just because my feet are sore or something like it's not because I need to, it's all right. We don't upload it on youtube. Um, remember that? Okay, good, remember that last week oh, that killed me. I was just doing some hand gestures that I was doing last week. But, yeah, like, if you, I feel like if you're in a position where you can say no with confidence, you're going to feel so much better about yourself.
Speaker 2:And then also like with whoever it is, like I knew for you, like, given what you know, obviously I I was had every intention to go, but waking up I was like, fuck that, like I'm just gonna be a buzzkill, like I knew that within myself but if I could, if I could drink, and like I was, you know, actually and that's not an excuse, it's just like I knew that I would have rocked up there and I would have been, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I get it and I think also too, because we are such good friends, like I would have known this bitch is exhausted, like that's fine, it was so fun, and like, yeah, the thing is too like.
Speaker 1:You know, I feel like with certain friends like it's like if you are good friends, this is my thing, if you're good friends, they're not going to mind if you can't show up because of whatever they've got going on, and like you can then go and plan to do something else, go for breakfast or go for a walk or catch up for coffee or something, whereas those people that are going to get the fucking shits at you they're not your real friends, same as the people who are, like, only going to be there for you at your highs and not your fucking lows.
Speaker 2:Fuck that, fuck those guys.
Speaker 1:They're not your real friends.
Speaker 1:And, like you know, last week brought up a lot of stuff for me, like about how far I've kind of come in my like personal journey and, like you know know, a few years ago I've spoken about it on the podcast before but like the load that I was in, I was just kind of self-sabotaging myself and like basically just getting on it every weekend alcohol, the bags, whatever, blowing all my money and like I just got to a point where I was like this is not how I want my life to be, so like I obviously have to do something to change it.
Speaker 1:So then I started putting boundaries in place and, like, for me, I knew that, like back then, I knew I could not go out for a couple of drinks. It just didn't exist in my fucking world. If I went out for a couple of drinks it would turn on into a bender, I'd be three bags deep and like you know. So I had to put those boundaries in place. So then I started going to things sober, like I went to my best friend's birthday sober. Like I started doing things sober because I knew that, even though, like you know, like yeah, I just knew that.
Speaker 2:I just had no self-control around it and I am the exact same. Yeah, I'm. If I'm going out, I like to take it. I've always been like that, yeah, and it's like that, that, all or nothing approach in everything that you do, which is it is quite toxic and it's like it's a learning curve that we need to like yeah, you know and yeah, but that's what I was gonna get this sober like and I think that's something that, as hard as it is like, you can still enjoy things.
Speaker 1:But so I went pretty. I pretty much went sober for the six months and then I decided to compete. So that was also a bit of a distraction as well. So, like I went fully because, like obviously though, I started to lay off it a bit, like I wasn't going out every weekend and getting on it like I did in the past, but like when I would drink I would still be a big night. So I went sober for like six months, then I competed, so I was sober again. So it was probably like a good year where I was like, didn't really drink and then. But now, like you know, I've put all those boundaries in place and people who were like, oh, like you know, you used to fucking get on it with us all the time or whatever. Now those same people like I went to a hen's last weekend. I was in fucking bed by 10 o'clock every fucking night.
Speaker 1:I am not even joking 10 o'clock every night I was fucking in bed. I drove there on the friday so I was exhausted then and I drove home on the monday so I knew I needed sleep on the sunday. But like I literally was just like I'm over it, I'm going to bed and like people just like, expect that of me now. They're like, oh, emma, just that's what she does now, whereas in the beginning it is hard to put those boundaries in place with people because they're like, oh, but you usually, like you know, like they miss you interacting with them in a certain way. But yeah, now it's just not a part of that's just not what I do anymore and I'm so proud of myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, bro, that's good, let's go. I've got goals and I'm kicking and I'll talk about it later, but not on this potty, I'll keep it to myself. Succeed in silence and let your success be the noise. Yes, watch me. Yeah, this space is working in darkness, in the darkness, like a fucking creature gollum, gollum me and aj watched all the lord of the rings on the weekend.
Speaker 1:I was like we just fucking watched nine hours of lord of the rings. Yeah, see that I I don't buy it. I got hooked on it hey really, yeah, I think I've only seen the first one, when I was like 10 and then like he was like oh, let's watch Lord of the Rings and I'm like righto, and I was like can we watch the next one, have you?
Speaker 2:watched them before? No, no, I've only seen the first one, I think.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I got hooked on it. So yeah, whatever, whatever. We got very sidetracked.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, I don't even know where we're at to now. Lord of the rings. I fucking hate lord of the rings. That's why I'm like why are we talking about this?
Speaker 1:no, oh what no, who doesn't like harry? Everyone's gonna hate me now when I went to europe right, there's like these harry potter fucking stores everywhere and I was like this close to spending like a hundred dollars on a fucking wand I tried to get into them but I feel like, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I read the books and I watched the first few. Logan wanted to watch the other night and I was like no apparently there's a tv show coming out.
Speaker 1:All right, let's just like yeah anyway, um, so boundaries.
Speaker 2:One thing that I was gonna say as well was like with one. I think the biggest thing I see my clients struggle with is like work, yeah, and them being so busy with work and or like you know that any personal stuff they've got going on in the outside or outside of work is that's like a massive um. It's always taking up their time. They never have enough time, yeah, so putting a boundary in place by time blocking, yeah, like, and making you time, or like especially when your mental health's not the greatest like the biggest thing for you would have been for this week is going giving back to yourself, yeah, like to get yourself back to a state of like less anxiety, feeling like more yourself again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, because you're giving back to yourself. Yeah, definitely, to get yourself back to a state of like less anxiety, feeling like more yourself again, yeah, um, because you were giving back to so many people as well 100 like my.
Speaker 1:My cup was empty. Yeah, I had to refill and like that's the thing like I always make sure, like and this is what you should really honestly do is that like those little things that you know make you like, make an impact, like it could be whatever like for me. I love to journal and I like meditating, but my meditation isn't like to sit there with my legs crossed and be like um yeah, like my meditation is like breath work, yeah so yours is breath work, whereas I like to go to sleep.
Speaker 1:So, like, I like to do like a sleep meditation. So it could be like manifesting something. It could be anxiety relief. I literally just look up on YouTube anxiety relief, stress relief, sleep meditation and they go for like three hours. So your subconscious is taking it in once you fall asleep. Last week, after the fucking stressful week I had, I put one on and it like starts at your head and then it works its way through your body and, like I think you're supposed to listen to it for like 20 minutes before you actually go to sleep. Bro, it literally started up my head and I was out like a lot. But it's fine because your subconscious takes it in and it genuinely makes me feel heaps better.
Speaker 1:So like doing things for yourself and then realizing what helps you and what doesn't. So like, even when I am going through a stressful time, I still went to the fucking gym every day because I know that that I get up early and I go. I know that that's something that makes me feel good. I've started journaling again every day, um, which is something that I kind of like when I got back from europe, I kind of like just didn't really pick all those things back up. I've started doing that, which has also made a massive impact and, like you know, last week at the end of the week I was fucking exhausted. I went into work, I was crying to the girls like it was just like and I was just like.
Speaker 1:It's really hard, you'd agree, when you're a business owner, when you've got stuff going on in your personal life and there's so many people that rely on you and you've got to show up and you've got to fucking pretend like you're this fucking happy person. When you're not, it's really hard to like separate the two, because we don't just get home, you don't just finish your working day and you switch off. There's still always shit. That's there. That needs to be done, that I need to fucking do and respond to emails and fucking call this person and bring the fucking service training new south wales and like all this fucking shit.
Speaker 1:That I'm just like fuck, like it's too much, like everything just last week was too much, like the littlest thing I was like I didn't want anyone to talk to me like my phone was on do not disturb, because I just needed that like and and I think it's important to that's like a boundary, that I was kind of like I need this, Like I don't want anyone to contact me and even if they double ring, you know, when you put your phone on, do not disturb, and then they ring again. I'm like fuck, I'm not answering it. My phone's on, do not disturb, fuck off.
Speaker 1:And I understand the messages too, yeah it's like notify anyway, like fuck off, like my phone's my phone is never on, do not disturb, it's only on, do not disturb when I I need it on and so like it's kind of, like you know, and even if you do message me, I'll be like fuck off, I won't contact you because it's what I need for myself. And like you know, last week I felt like a bad friend because I had, like one of my friends was reaching out and I was literally like I just do not have the energy for you, you know. But because we are such good friends, she's totally understood. But like it's hard, yeah, when you just feel like you're just completely drained of everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you need to, but like fast forward a week.
Speaker 1:I've made those little changes and I'm like I'm usually a very positive person as well, like Ava even said to me last night she's like I just love how positive you are and like I will notice little good things in my day.
Speaker 1:I don't try to focus fully on the negatives. Like friday last week, obviously I was still feeling really shit one of my clients brought me in this little like lucky elephant thing and she's like happy birthday and every year she buys me these random, little weird gifts. Like they're just random, right, but they make me so happy and like it made me so happy that I like cried and it's little things like that. That like happened in my day and I'm like that's so lovely, or I'll have a client come in and they're like I love my hair or I love you, and they just show so much gratitude towards me that it's like oh, like I'm really good at that now, rather than just fucking thinking that my whole life is fucked and everything's so fucking just because one thing is going wrong in your life or two things. Last week for me it was like three yeah, three bad things were going on and just because those things were happening, I still was able to look for something positive in my life that I was like.
Speaker 2:This is like what life's about, these small little things like you know yeah, so yeah, and I feel like that's a healthy way to, because if you always it's like a flow on effect, it becomes everything, becomes shit. And yeah, even just with, I think, your mindset, like, if you're I don't know you just it's so much harder for you to smile or even to and like for me.
Speaker 1:I like it's more an anxiety thing for me, like as I said to you before before, we jumped on the potty. Like when things go, when heaps of things are going bad in my life at once, I start to things that I should be excited for then become I become anxious about it. It's not like I'm like okay, I'm not excited anymore. Now, what's gonna go wrong in this area? Now, like I'm not excited anymore, I'm freaking out, so like it's important to sort of like that's why I love journaling, because it stopped.
Speaker 1:Like I write down how I feel and then I kind of read it to myself and I'm like no, that's not like no yeah, this is how your normal thinking is. So then I'll like write down affirmations or whatever it is um to help me, but yeah, I just feel like it's so important to have those little things that you know help you in certain situations, yeah and just yeah, having boundaries with people. And it is hard, hey, like it's hard when you're first, when you're somebody who, like, doesn't really have boundaries with people.
Speaker 2:Jacob was like one big when last year and I was going through. He was doing a lot of mindset work with me, like in my prep, and we were going through a lot of boundary stuff because I was going through mentally like I was just in the worst fucking place yeah and I think that was like compounded from so many, like a shitty coach, shitty relationships and just like compounds.
Speaker 1:It's like a pressure cooker compound compound and it just like boils over.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think, like one thing is that if you voice, I have like a I don't know there's like that three strike rule and I think it was spoken about that. But like, if you fucking tell somebody your boundary, or like hey, I didn't really like that, or if you can communicate it, then if they keep crossing that boundary, like that's when you kind of got to look at the relationship and go, okay, well is this?
Speaker 1:is this worth it?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah is there respect, but like is it something that you need to? Either you know, come together and, I guess, talk a little bit more about or work towards. Do you just cut them out? Like that's a, that's something that you gotta gotta think about, and I think it's like with work or you know clients and yeah, that's a massive one for me too, like even when I first started.
Speaker 1:You're probably a bit the same. Like when I first started my business, like I'd just be like oh, it's fine, I'll just work back for you, or like.
Speaker 2:I'll just do this for you. I'll just come in on a Monday, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, and I'm like, and then they would expect it, and then you're like get fucked.
Speaker 2:I did that for you one time out of the kindness of my own heart. So now I'm just like no, these are the fucking hours I do and that's what you had to come in. I had a um, that's what's available, a it's. It's happened many times to me. But like, if somebody messages me like because we we mean shay, we're doing a challenge at the moment, we work like pretty, like, pretty fucking hard from Monday through to Friday and people miss their check-ins, like with this challenge, because we've got, you know, obviously, new people in it. One of them messaged me, said challenge. She's like oh, just do it tomorrow. And we've stated like you know, you've got to do it on Friday. So, yeah, it's kind of like now putting that boundary in place.
Speaker 2:Like hey guys, if you do miss your check-in on Friday, you don't get it. You don't get it until your next. Yeah, Because it's like in my mind I'm like, oh no, it's fine, but then it's like I've also got another somebody like a coach that's on board, that she's also working under. Like you know, it's not just me working on the weekends anymore, and I think sometimes like people just expect you to be like.
Speaker 1:I feel like in business like this could be. I don't know if it's other people feel this way, but I know that a lot of business owners do. I feel like people just kind of think that we're these fucking robots that are sitting around waiting for something to do. Like my fucking days are fucking chockers, from the second I get up to the minute that I fucking finish the day. And like you know what you were saying before about the boundaries like I try to give myself a boundary of I don't want to be working any more than 38 hours a week.
Speaker 1:That includes me being on the floor at the salon and that includes my admin. Yeah, sometimes on admin days I'm like, okay, that's fine, I'll just finish this thing and then that can come next week. But then by the end of by the next time next week comes around, there's like 10 more fucking things that I've got to add on. So sometimes it just doesn't fucking work. So it's like trying to figure out ways that I can then okay. So for me personally, it's like me trying to figure out, okay like you'd probably be the same way, shay what can I offload to amy that she can do while she's at work at the salon to help me out, so this doesn't keep on happening for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah so, like you know, that's, that's exactly what she can do so.
Speaker 1:I'm not doing this shit in my spare time because it's not. It's really not fair. And like now that, like I've got a partner and I've got these other things happening in my life, I'm just like holy fuck, like I knew I worked a lot, but now that I have a partner that I need to fit in, plus friends, like I'm just like holy fuck, like I work a lot, like I don't know where I'm meant to put you yeah, like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know it's crazy. That's like even with study and stuff like what. I'm doing, it's coming back into you know, being with Logan and doing this whole family thing now yeah. I can like are you stressed, not really.
Speaker 1:I feel like.
Speaker 2:I'm managing it a lot more now. I have Shay on board like it's you just got confidence in her.
Speaker 1:It's helping a lot yeah, she's.
Speaker 2:She's such a you're fucked. You told me to fucking not look at my watch. Wait to distract me. What was I saying? Yeah, she's really good. I feel like she is. We've got the same values and I know like there's been boundaries put in place already with us because, like I'm a very, it's so easy for me to I guess, like she's a friend, you know what I mean like, but I'm also, it's like we are, we're working together that's what me and Amy struggle with sometimes, I think it's yeah making sure that between, like you know, friendships here, and then there's work as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it's hard, the line does get crossed yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then I guess, with being working at home, and because Logan had, literally when was it Monday, monday through to Thursday off and he worked because, like, he basically like because he works away and stuff, like if it's the weather or if the signs aren't ready or things aren't, yeah, they basically just get paid time off. Yeah, um, which does my head in, because he's got adhd and he'll come into the office, or like yesterday he was up on the roof and he was like cleaning out the gutters and then he was like poking his head down and it's like he fucking does my like a child trying to get attention yeah, like, and I always say that to him, it's like you are just fucking fiending for that attention right now.
Speaker 2:I know like I'm here from work. That's what.
Speaker 1:That's what happens to me like I love having being at home, because when I'm at work and like when I'm in the salon and I'm trying to do admin, it just doesn't happen because there's so much going on around me. People try to talk to me, the girls want things, it's just not like there's so much background noise happening. I'll walk out this one day. I fucking walked out. I've got my computer, I'm sitting there and these fucking people are like going emma, this emma that I'm literally like I'm working, like can we not like and it's important shit to like numbers and that like don't, I can't fuck this up and then like I'm writing an order, and they're like yep, yep, yep, and I'm like bro yeah like I'm literally like I don't have a lot of spare time in my day.
Speaker 1:Let me have this 15 minutes to write an order and I'll come to you soon. Yeah, like things like that. But I struggle at home too sometimes, because like I feel like sometimes they think, because you're at home, you're at home and it's like, oh, can you just help me with this, can you just do that?
Speaker 2:it's like I'm fucking working. He's like. I feel like what he thinks is I have all day, but it's like I don't want to be sitting in the fucking computer all day because you keep trying to distract me. No, you want to just smash it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you need to get done and then I can spend time with you.
Speaker 2:So I've had to put that boundary in place. Now is that when the doors shut, yeah, don't come in, don't come in. But then he started, as I said, he was like up on the roof.
Speaker 1:He's finding a way around the boundary. Way around the boundary. He's like I might just clean the gutters and get on the roof, I can't knock on the door, but I can peep through the window.
Speaker 2:Fuck off, that is so funny but yeah, it's like I and I think the communication like I would normally get really shitty at him, but it's like being able to sit down and go hey the door's shut and like, yes, that was funny when he was doing that, but it's like little things like that.
Speaker 2:I feel like it does go a long way because even just with friends, like with one of my girlfriends, she fucking calls me like at 12 o'clock, like during the day when I'm halfway through work and I've started to say to her, like if I'm like from 9 to around 5, like don't call yeah, because then I feel bad as well, like I don't know if I'm, if I don't answer you feel bad, and then yeah, and she, and then she'll call me like three times.
Speaker 2:I'm on a zoom call or I'm doing something, I'm in the middle of a check-in and then my phone's calling and it's distracting and because you know how my script, my um computer screen records so like yeah, if she sends a message and it's like ding yeah, like on the zooms, and you're like what's fucking going on?
Speaker 1:so, yeah, no, I totally get that.
Speaker 2:I think like, yeah, being able to have confidence in like what you know, with your friends, like the reason why I'm saying this. I've got a client. She again she's like a yes woman, so she will like if she, if her friend calls, she'll answer. If a guy wants to do X, y and Z, she'll do that instead of doing what she really wants to do. Like if he says let's get KFC, but she's like oh, I'm really trying to stick with my diet.
Speaker 2:She'll just get the KFC because he wants the KFC, but she really doesn't fucking want it Like yeah, I think little things like that.
Speaker 1:I think you need to be really confident in you know this is why and this is what At the end of the day like, yeah, you might be like saying yes to do things or whatever with that person, but you're self-sabotaging yourself at the same time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's perfect. You're literally self-sabotaging.
Speaker 1:Oh, this book, actually, I think I bring it up before the mountain, is you?
Speaker 2:best book.
Speaker 1:I love it please read it, everyone read it oh what do you get it from? Again there we go, fuck yeah she gifted, um, but yeah, no, like yourself, like I don't know wherever you want to buy it from. It's called the mountain, is you? Let me get it off? This is what it looks like, but it's seriously, um, just the best book it's. It's about self-sabotage, self-sabotaging and, like you know how to like overcome it and like, basically, how to master it, basically.
Speaker 1:So I think that, honestly, that book, I think I subconsciously kind of live by that now like I kind of just make decisions so much more easier, more easily now than um what I used to in the past. Anyway, this is the book. This is what it looks like, if you can see. But yeah, it's like it's so good. I've actually given it to my partner, aj, and I really wanted to read it. I'm like he's currently reading this book at the moment. I was like, have you finished your book? He's like, no, not yet. I'm like, well, hurry up. I no, not yet. I'm like, well, hurry up. I want you to read my book. It's really good. Huh, you haven't read it. It's really good. No, love it seriously. So I will. I would pick it up and read it again it's like can you get it from k-mark?
Speaker 2:yeah, kind of I don't know, you can maybe just get them off amazon or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I just got. I just bought my books off amazon. I like not a kindle, though, because I like a hard copy. I don't know. Yeah, we'd like that, I like it. I just like not a kindle, though, because I like a hard copy. I don't know. Yeah, I'm weird like that, I like it. I just like having a car, especially when you're at the beach or something like.
Speaker 2:If I'm laying down, I like to, yeah, instead of watch like looking at my, because I'm always on my phone, I'm always on devices. Yeah, I'm just for sure.
Speaker 1:It's just nice, isn't it?
Speaker 2:yeah, and if I always bring highlighter. I need a highlighter? Yes me too, me too. So the important things, um, yeah, I feel like I don't know if we've touched on everything that we've wanted to, but I feel like we have a little sidetracked, as per usual.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I think, yeah, just, it's just important to put yourself first and, like you know, it's fine, it's okay to let people down, like you know, it's okay to, like you know, and people who really do love you will resurface. Like I think I've spoken about that before Like when I went through all that stuff, I had three of my girlfriends really show up for me through then and I was like, wow, like, and one of them really surprised me. But I was like, cause I just thought that, like you know, she just wasn't going to show up for me the way that she did. And some surprised me too, because they didn't fucking show up for me and I was like, oh, okay, cool. So then I've just sort of stopped putting that energy into them, because I just know that, like, when push comes to shove, I'm only there for the good times. Yeah, you know what I mean. So, like, so, yeah, like I, that was a, that was a pretty big thing for me. So now I, they're the only real people that I put all of my energy into. I know I can talk to them about anything, to the point where, like, I feel better when I see them.
Speaker 1:Like I'm going through a shit time and like when, yeah, if I'm going through a shit time, I just want someone to listen. That's what most people do want as well. They don't want you to fix it. They don't want you to fucking offer solutions like just fucking be there and listen to people's shit. Like that's. All that you need is a listening ear. You know, yeah, it like makes such a big difference. And if you're going to be one of those cunts who fucking just like don't. Like if your friend approaches you and they're not doing well and you just like brush it off like you don't give a fuck, you can just go fuck yourself. Honestly, like it's just fucked like, and some people don't some people who don't suffer from mental health issues as well they just don't fucking understand it and like they want you to explain and it's like something that you can't really explain.
Speaker 1:You kind of just gotta, you just gotta navigate it, but like be there for your friends and, like you know, that's too, fucking short and there's so many people that have unfortunately lost their lives to like this sort of shit. I just think it's important, you know definitely I don't want to see anyone any more people lose their life. That's sad, that's real deep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was it is like, it's true, like people always say that like, like, oh, I'd prefer to like listen to you up to your story than fucking go to your funeral or whatever that meme is that goes around. But it's like but when you actually talk to some people, those same people that share those fucking memes and shit aren't actually there for them. So it's literally like you, like just be there for people yeah, do you mean memes on social?
Speaker 2:yeah?
Speaker 1:like you know how it's? Like there's this one that went around that was like um, yeah, I'd prefer to be here, listen to your stories, then, like, go to your funeral.
Speaker 2:Basically, it was something like that it was just like a one of those little quote things yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, but then it's like you know, some of those people are the people like people that don't actually listen you know, oh, 100, yeah, I feel like that's where, especially with your, with your mates as well, like I know, for me my circle is so small because I know the ones that, like I can fucking tell them anything and everything, yeah, 100%, and. I know that even when you know they're like and it's not like I you don't expect them to be there, but they're always there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:No matter what.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly. I mean, if you've got expectations, you're going to be let down, always right. But it's just like, yeah, those people that show up for you when you show up for them, and it's just how it is. You just know it's going to be like that, which is really important, but, yeah, it's important to be that person, for people too. I think, yeah, 100 but, yeah, put boundaries in place.
Speaker 1:Don't take shit from people and fuck those guys who don't show up for you. I reckon literally like be yeah, you know what I mean. Like I don't know, I'm getting real em's all fiery she's being. I'm getting real fiery over it. It's just like yeah it's just like when you go through shit.
Speaker 1:I think you just really see, you, just you really notice things, you're like wow you're like wow, I would have thought that that person would have, you know, reached out to me, but they haven't. So, yeah, it's like that sort of thing. Like you know, I'd always reach out to them. Or, like you know, certain people be on my mind and I'll always message them. You know, like me and kea, for example, me and kea don't talk all the time, but like we'll just randomly mess each other and be like I hope you have a good day today or something like that. It's just cute, like, yeah, like she'll just think of me or I'll just think of her, and like you know, and then when we do hang out, it's just, it's a vibe, but it's just like nice. Like whenever we think of each other, we just sort of go all right like and just flick each other a message. It's just nice, always just kind of checking in, but yeah, yeah I know.
Speaker 1:Is there anything else we want to add?
Speaker 2:I think that's all I've got. Yeah same, Is there anything?
Speaker 1:No, I think I just wanted to put that out there because, yeah, I think it's important, yeah, absolutely. And like sometimes, yeah, I just feel like people, some people are just there for the good times, whereas, like you, just want to surround yourself and put the energy into the people who are also there for the bad, because that's the real shit, you know. Definitely that's the real shit.
Speaker 2:I just want to say I've had a few people message me over the last or when we did our last podcast, episode 11, I think. So I appreciate that, because we did say can you please give us feedback?
Speaker 1:We're sorry about the intro and the outro music.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Being too loud.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was emma. Um, that wasn't my fault. No, no, no, no, that that was emma.
Speaker 1:Oh, shout out emma for giving us that feedback. Um, why didn't you actually realize that? And I listened to one the other day and I was like, okay yeah, so I haven't. I don't even it's in the car when you're in the car because you're like, oh shit, and so you turn it up so you can hear us, and then the outro comes on. You're like, holy shit, yeah, okay, but we love the feedback we're so here for it.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, there's anything that you want us to talk about too, like, let us know send it through and yeah, we'll try, and I think we did say that we'll drop them on a weekly basis, but we're just honestly, we've been busy, so we're playing it by year at the moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll do our best but, yeah, I think the two weeks works well. At the moment there's a bit on but yeah, all right, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and we need like a sign off.
Speaker 1:I know, we need like a little something, like a little quote, yeah, like spread, love spread spread love not hate, yeah.